Jenn's Journal

Just a few more hours

I've caught myself wishing for more hours in the day more and more frequently lately.  There just never seems to be enough time to get everything that needs to be done done, much less anything you actually want to do.  But I wonder if we would use those hours for more sleep, more time with the kids, more time for ourselves, or would we fill them up too and wish for even more.

I've had a real hard time balancing out life these last few weeks.  The boys are freaking adorable as always, but also growing up where they need more than a handful of toys scattered around to keep them busy.  I thought I struck a gold mine with the paint with water books.  Nick loves painting and it's one of the few activities that he'll actually sit still for and do quietly.  Painting!  With no mess!  Score!  ...Until Nick dumped the little bowl of water directly on the book.  At least it was only water.  I'm cursing ourselves for taking the house off the market.  We could be in a house with a nice yard by now with a place for them to go run around.  But I know the reality was that IF the house sold, it would be at a much lower price than we would have needed to get that house.  We'll get there, just not right now.

Work, frankly, blows.  But since I work in social media, that's pretty much all I can say about that.  Dave's job also blows right now, but in a different way.  He's just been so busy it hasn't left much time for the boys or me.  I'm trying to remember to be thankful we have jobs right now.

Even though I won't be making it to culinary school anytime soon, I've decided not to let that really stop me.  I've signed up for a food safety certification course and a course on running a small business.  I have some ideas and have been doing a lot of leg work for that, hopefully something will come of that. 

Speech therapy is going well.  William actually said some of his name the other day, Wi.  He used to say "dada" for words he couldn't pronounce and called himself dada.  So when I heard that little Wi, I cried.  He's really working hard at it, and we're working hard at it. 

Today was the first time I went to the gym in a week?  Two weeks?  I hurt my shoulder, had an MRI, but still haven't heard the results.  Any sort of working out seems to aggravate it, even jogging, and resting is the only thing that remotely helps.  But I can't stay away forever and need to suck it up and go.  I've been doing the Couch to 5K program for about three months or so I think and I'm still only on week 4.  I stayed at week 3 for a long time and now I can't seem to quite make it through week 4.  I can do the first three jogs (3 min, 5 min, 3 min) but the last 5 minute one is killing me. 

I've tried to find a little time here or there to do things I enjoy.  Saturday we all went to the zoo and the library and out to dinner and had a nice time.  The boys walked the entire zoo and didn't want to go home.  "I want see somepin else, Mama"  I got some fabric and some patterns, and even managed to cut out some of the pieces, but I just can't seem to find time to actually get the sewing machine out and see if it magically repaired itself or if I need to take it to be fixed.

This balance thing.  It's hard.  I get up at 5 am and by the time the boys go to bed, I'm ready for bed myself.  I wish I had just a few more hours.  I have a feeling though, it would never be enough.

Apologies

I apologize to every parent I secretly judged when they said they hated when their kid watch XYZ show thinking Then don't let them watch it.  You're the parent.  I get now that their joy outweighs your annoyance.  P.S.  Dear Sprout On Demand, More episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  PLEASE.  We've seen the same five episodes four thousand times.  Love, Jenn.

I apologize to my mother for every time I said I hated dinner before I even tried it.  Boys, for the record, you actually do like spaghetti, and my baked spaghetti is AWESOME.  So there.

I apologize (but only slightly) to the poor customer service rep that gets to read my recent Customer Satisfaction Survey after getting the boys pictures taken at JCPenney.  I really let loose.  We won't be going there again.  At least not until they understand what an appointment time is.

I apologize to William's dermatologist and the two residents he had with him when they entered the exam room approximately .4 seconds after William unleashed a stench that made my eyes water. 

I apologize to Dave who's birthday falls as number 9 out of 10 for my family in a one month span and I'm too exhausted to do much for him.  Happy Birthday, Honey.  I heart you.

I apologize to every thing I've neglected lately.  Blog, gym, inbox, books, etc.  I'm tired.  Really, really tired.  And I have a secret iPhone Yahtzee addiction.

P.S.  I apologize to PBS Sprout for asking for more Micky Mouse Clubhouse.  Disney, see message RE: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Sprout, you rock. 

Palpable Disappointment

So remember that whole, Hooray!  I want to go to culinary school thing?

Yeah, not happening.

I got a little suspicious when I couldn't find out how much the tuition was per credit, just per semester.  That would be because they don't do part time.  You can't just take one class at a time.  Which is utterly ridiculous and confirms I probably would have been the only grown-up in attendance.  Classes would be from 7am-noon every day of the week.  Ok that's not too bad, nevermind I work then.  Talked to work and I could probably rearrange my schedule.  Then they told me the good news.  Since I was a transfer student, I could finish my associates degree in two semesters!  I'd only have to take the cooking classes which was fine by me.  They have a certificate program in the evenings which is just the cooking classes so my brilliant idea was to take the evening classes since they are the same as the degree classes, minus all the stuff I was going to transfer anyway.

Yeah, not happening.

Even though the certificate classes are called the same thing and the class descriptions are exactly the same, in fact there is no separate class description and the class ID numbers are the same, apparently they aren't the same.  Ok so fine, I'll work out the schedule so I can go full time, in the day, and still work full time.  Now, I figured since I'd only have to take two semesters, that tuition would be two semesters worth.

Yeah, not happening.

Basically, it's the same as if I took four semesters.  I understand the culinary classes are the expensive ones, what with the food and equipment and all, but come ON.  Total cost would be about $30,000.  For an associates degree.

Yeah, not happening.

I didn't realize how much I wanted to do this and how much I was looking forward to it until I couldn't.  I'm trying to tell myself it's just not right now, not never.  When the boys are a bit older and I'm ready to work out of the house again, I'll look into getting a job in that field anyway.  More scholarship opportunities will open up then and I'll revisit my plan.

But not right now.  Not happening.

Back to School-Take Two

I know the last time I said I was going back to school, um, I didn't actually go back.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want to be when I grow up.  I looked at my life and realized, I really love to cook.  I blog about cooking.  I cook when I want to feel better.  I love trying new recipes or coming up with new creations.  I love mastering something really hard (like cracking my grandmother's secret fried chicken recipe which I FINALLY have down.  Next is her banana pudding).  I read culinary textbooks for fun.  So the answer seemed kinda obvious.

Last weekend, I drug Dave to an open house at a local culinary college.  First, I realized I was the oldest one there and one of the few that didn't bring my parents along.  Then I tasted the muffins and cookies they had out and got really worried.  I definitely make better cookies and I think my muffins are better too.  After all the talks geared towards high school kids, the financial aid talks we won't qualify for anyway, I was really discourage.  Then we got to go into one of the kitchens.  And I realized I really want to go there. 

I thought about it for a few days.  I have NO earthly idea how I'll fit classes into my already packed schedule.  I have ZERO idea how we'll pay for that and the boys' preschool.  But finally I realized I can't even begin to answer these questions if I don't apply.  So I jumped into the deep end and applied to the school.

I have no idea what happens next.  I have no idea if I'll actually be able to go.  But you never know unless you try.

In Real Life

Things could be better. 

I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but we took our house off the market.  We're refinancing instead but this isn't going to save us the amount of money I had thought it would and our equity has taken a hit because housing prices have dropped so much in this area and the thought of living here a few more years depresses me way more than it should.  I like this house, it's nice, the neighborhood is nice, it just doesn't quite feel like home.  I'm unsettled and I need to be settled.

Work sucks.  I don't like blogging about my job, especially now that I work in social media.  I'll say there were lay offs and some major changes and I've just requested some paperwork necessary to reactivate my nursing license, something I never thought I would do again.  I haven't decided anything really, just keeping my options open.  Reactivating my license now buys me some time.  I have until October to reactivate without having to take a refresher course, but if I do it now, I have to renew it in June or July and it will be active for another year from then.  Anyone have an awesome job for an ex-RN who is pretty awesome at community moderation on social networks that lets me work at home?

The Situation That Can Not Be Named is really, really sad now.  Pray if you're into that kinda thing.

Potty training is kicking my ass.  One is fully trained.  One is half trained still.  And nothing is helping.  I'm going to make a sticker chart and see if that helps because bribes aren't working.  Also, may need to try bigger bribes.  I'm also really, really tired of reading Once Upon a Potty.  I'll be glad when it goes back to the library.  However, they do "read" it to each other and that is super cute.

I just caught up on blog reading.  Three weeks worth.  Please, everyone stop posting for a few days so I can just enjoy feeling caught up.  K Thx.

I deal with stress by cooking and baking.  Tonight we had roasted leg of lamb with rosemary potatoes and roasted asparagus.  Then I made homemade bagels.  Does that show you how stressed I am?  The bagel recipe I used was awesome though.  Best homemade bread product I've made.  Oh, I was making everything bagels and had some dried onion flakes for the coating.  I just bought it but when I opened the jar, the inner seal was open like someone stuck their finger through it and used it.  I was thoroughly grossed out and that will be going back to the store.

I'm still working out just about every day but I'm not losing any weight.  My body has definitely changed though and I have more energy and I'm stronger.  I'm hoping my new found love of homemade bagels doesn't make too big an impact on this mission.

I have a headache.

Let's get physical, physical!

I have been to the gym every. single. day. this week.  I'll soon be buff enough to oil myself up, wear a bikini, and flex at random times.  Like in the grocery store.  "Ma'am, do you know where the green beans are?"  *flex* Yes, right *flex* over there. *flex*  Then I'll pick them up and bench press them.  And flex more.  In a bikini.  Or maybe not.  I'm flexible.

Anyway, I've realized I'm in desperate need for some good workout music.  So spill.  Open to any an all suggestions because such hits as No Need to Argue by the Cranberries just isn't working for me.

Like father, like son

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Cat update: He came home yesterday from an overnight stay at the vet but wasn't peeing still.  Dave took him to the pet hospital.  They are able to make him pee when they squeeze him basically, so they don't think it's another blockage.  They think that his bladder muscles basically forgot how to work.  The plan was to keep him there 6-8 hours to observe him, but instead they want to keep him overnight because he's still not trying to pee on his own.  Good times.

Not Again

Franz has been sick.  We've already lost two cats in the last year.  He started on Tuesday night with throwing up.  Then as we were settling down to sleep, he peed.  In our bed.  On Dave.

That warranted him being booted from bed and a trip to the vet on Wednesday.  They gave him a long acting antibiotic shot since he's spastic and hard to give pills to.  He didn't pee all day Thursday and was pretty lethargic.  Wasn't eating either.  So on Friday, he started peeing, but it was bloody.  And all over my carpet.  Took him BACK to the vet where he was catheterized and stayed overnight. 

He had a blockage, the catheter cleared it, but he got blocked again.  So they cathed him again, left it in overnight and we'll see how he does this morning.  If he needs to stay there, we have to move him to a pet hospital ($$$).  He has small, sand-like bladder stones.  Hopefully he'll be ok.

The year in review

January
Started off with a bang with toilet water in the basement yet no actual toilet in the basement.  Nick started talking.  We found out having more kids was pretty much not an option.

February
Mostly uneventful.  Spent most of the month depressed about our lack of reproductive options.  Called Early Intervention to evaluate the boys for speech.

March
I wasted EI's time with a speech eval.  I got pretty pissed off at my ob-gyn.  We lost Hans and had Vomit Fest 2008 all in the same weekend.  Then the boys got their first real stomach bug.

April
I met Ted Allen!  We had major biting problems. 

May
We went to Vegas and met Penn and Teller.  We got a love note from one of our neighbors since our grass was too long.

June
We put our house on the market.  We started Timmy on Prozac.

July
We started vacation off with a bang.  It got worse from there.  Talked to the perinatologist about reproductive options.

August
The boys turned two.  Timmy died.

September
I was on the news!  My Pop took a turn for the worse.  William learned to play the violin.  Toddler beds became my arch nemesis. 

October
Did my first picture day.  We went to Williamsburg for a fun weekend.  Timmy paid me a visit.  Toddler beds still kicked my ass.  I tried shaming Dave into replacing the soap in the shower.  Halloween.

November
I lost it and flipped out.  We visited a preschool.  I embarrassed myself with band front pictures.

December
The Third Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange!  Tantrums!  Evil Santa.

And the winners are....

Thanks to everyone who participated in Third Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange.  Of course there will be another one next year.  Um, next year there will be a Fourth Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange because another Third Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange would be just silly.  I usually announce the date either the day after Thanksgiving or in the following few days.

But enough of that.  On to the prizes!

Winner of the Stacking Toy and Ball Game from Ebeanstalk: Gracie!

Winner of the Bear Bills and gift card to DonorsChoose.org: Dixiecharmer and Laura (private blog)!

Winner of a Cupcake in a Jar from Bangerang Bake Shop: Bad Penguin!

Winner of a batch of Grandma Chip cookies: Shelley!

Winner of the cookie cutter set: Hennifer!  Hennifer, I don't have your email address, so email me your shipping info and I'll send it out ASAP!

Congratulations everyone!

I really appreciate everyone taking time to post their recipes.  I hope to see you all back next year.  And bring some friends.