Solutions...or lack thereof

My grandmother has been sick.  Really sick.  Like "I've never felt so bad in my life" sick.  She has bronchiectasis which, best I understand it, means she has chronic bacteria in her lungs that live there and she can't get rid of.  So when she catches a cold or exposed to something, not only does she get that, but the other bacteria flare up and she gets really sick.  Between my grandfather being in the hospital and the wedding with a bunch of people, she caught something. 

My mom and I went to her house Saturday to check on her.  She looked sick.  Really sick.  I wanted to take her to the ER but she wouldn't go.  She settled for urgent care.  They switched her antibiotics (she had been on four days of Levaquin which is heavy duty and was actually getting worse) and gave her a nebulizer treatment.  She's feeling better now, thank goodness, but still is pretty sick.

The bigger issue here is that she can not take a break and just rest.  She has my grandfather to take care of.  He's getting to the point where he needs reminding and help to take a shower, get dressed, toileted, etc.  She has to make him meals or he will forget to eat.  Same with drinks.  If she leaves the house without him, he can't remember where she's gone or when she'll be back.  It's overwhelming and she's at her breaking point as anyone would be in this situation.

Ideally, they would both come live with one of us.  My aunt though just got married and has stairs in her house that wouldn't work.  My uncle has three kids still at home, also stairs.  My mom has no stairs, but my brother, his baby, his girlfriend, and my sister already living there.  We have no room and stairs.  If we EVER sell this house, we'll look for a new one with room, but who knows when that will be. 

Less than ideally, Pop will have to go to a nursing home.  He will be more confused and probably deteriorate quickly.  My grandmother will feel guilty and besides, I have no idea how they will pay for it.  She says the VA told her his benefits do not cover a nursing home.  And the one near them, where my great aunt died rather unexpectedly, is $5000 a month. 

I talked to her today and the VA is going to cover having a home health aide come in 14 hours a week indefinitely.  This will allow them to come in, get him bathed and dressed and shaved at least three times a week.  We've talked to her about adult day care, but her fear is that my grandfather won't go (he refused when he was more lucid) or that he'll get combative there (a real possibility). 

But as she says, it's not going to get better.  There are no good solutions.  They both need help and I don't know what else to do for them.

Comments

[tripleblessings]

Wow, that's a really tough situation. I can not understand why your state, city or country doesn't provide some kind of assistance for nursing homes or sheltered housing for those who need it. That's one of the things we pay taxes for in Canada, and while the system is far from perfect, and there are waiting lists, there are solutions for situations like this.
Does any of your political parties support increased public health care and social assistance for seniors, the sick and the disabled?

[Eva]

I'm so sorry. These end-of-life issues are so hard.

[kim]

Ugh. This is so hard. You're right, there are no good solutions. And it's such a helpless feeling. I'm so sorry you are dealing with it.